Recently, I had an in-depth interview with the smart women behind Victoria's Sex Ed Exchange.  Tracey Coulter, Robyn Tosczak, and Sarah Mundy formed the group "out of a desire to create a positive space for Victorians to learn about sex, sexuality and safety, and help organizations and individuals make connections."  Call me lazy for copy/pasting their mission statement if you want, but they hit the nail on the head.  Their events are less workshop, more open forum and round table, and it is dialogue that’s initiated by participants that determines the focus of workshops, rather than a fixed speaker curriculum.  The positive space they desired to help create wasn't limited to their events, they all expressed hopes of people being inspired to start their own small discussion groups and safe learning experiences. So I took their advice and did that very thing. Sure, it wasn't exactly graceful, but I never claimed to be graceful; what it was though, was successful.

My new Stitch And Bitch group was just wrapping up. I asked the girls to wait a minute, I had a pressing issue that I wanted to bring up; they looked curious, more than one of them being the 'full of opinions’ type.  I brought out my recorder, and from the look on their faces; I knew gold had been struck before I'd said a thing.  "So, how often do you gals talk about sex and masturbation?"

Faces turned red, giggles were unsuccessfully restrained, and eventually one girl bursts out, "Like, all the time!"

Our hostess was blushing the worst, we picked at her a little, giggles abounding, and then I explained where this was coming from. About the environment the Sex Ed Exchange was nurturing, Mundy said, "People talk about what they want, people talk about what they know, and share things with each other." This was the perfect opportunity.  The girls were a lot less shy than expected.  They’re all in their twenties, they can talk about masturbation in the first person, discuss opinions and tastes, and divulge salacious highlights of our latest exploits (golden quotation: "My new vibrator takes C batteries!")

It is talked about almost every craft night, masturbation or sex, more than one said.  Our conversation went all over the map - reasons for or against enjoyment in giving oral sex to sociological reflections on why sex happens at younger ages. A couple of women caught my attention with their particularly thoughtful and considered responses.  One grew up in a family where sexuality was never discussed, so just the thought of an internal dialog around sex was non-existent. The other was sexually active before her peers; she ended up being the one her friends would go to with questions. There was something about the timbre in their voices as they recalled those adolescent years. I wondered what they felt about the deeper impact of this kind of open discussion around sexuality.

I soon realized that these kinds of discussion groups lead to insightful and uninhibited conversation. From a small group of friends to larger situations involving a dozen or more strangers, it might seem like an awkward transition, but the following week the population at craft night doubled. Lots of new faces and people who didn't know each other, but the enthusiastic banter wasn't slowed by that in the least.

The benefit of a sounding board when you want to expand your sexual wisdom is undeniable, but what do you do if you’re curious about something that isn't hang-with-your-gender-and-
shoot-the-shit conversation material? If you’re curious about what a strange lesion is, you should go see a medical professional, or if you plan on any fluid transfer there are lots of sources on safer sex how-to; if you’re curious about erotic literature, or different positions for mutual masturbation, or what condom suits your personal tastes, where are the pamphlets for those?  The information just doesn't seem very intuitive.  "A lot of people feel really dependant on having someone to tell them what to do or what not to do - putting more trust in other people than they put trust in their own knowledge and the value of their own experiences," said Robyn Tosczak.

We look to others when we should be looking to ourselves, and our insecurity to pursue sexual-related knowledge leaves us out of touch with our own bodies. You can't Wiki “sex” then be a tiger in the sack, or Google "vibrator reviews" and know what will please you; and you can't, for the love of god, watch porn and expect to learn anything!  Pursue some sexy practical knowledge through sexy practical means. Find some erotica and browse through it, go to a reputable adult store (Tracey Coulter recommends Kiss & Tell, being a former employee) and really take some time to reflect on what might stimulate you the right way.  Even simply taking time to actively consider your sexuality can boost the level of communication you have with your body.

The more open the communication becomes, the more confident and positive attitudes become.  It’s not hard to understand what the Sex Ed Exchange is trying to facilitate, and its not hard to see why its building momentum so quickly.  Its not really possible to fully quench the thirst for knowledge or pleasure, but it will be damn fun trying!